apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
