I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
