i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
