Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
