We're like a lot better than the average bears
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
