smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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