some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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