worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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