Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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