Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
