The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
