The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
