dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
