Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize