Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
