Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
