He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
