it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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