just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
