They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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