they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
