How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
