You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm too high and old for this...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
