Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
