I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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