Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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