I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
