Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize