Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
