I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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