i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
