I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
