I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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