My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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