it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
