i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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