So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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