Will you blow on my dice?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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