Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
