So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
