shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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