Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
