I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
