i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
