the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
