i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize