Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
