and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
