did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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