I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I intend to get homeless drunk
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
