Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
