just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
