making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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