my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
