we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
