I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
