His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I love having hate sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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