hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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