I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
