dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
