i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
