thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
