Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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