I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize