Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
