oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
