he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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