she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
