I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
