if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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