hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
