I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
