everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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