Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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