My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
