Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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