a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
